five times wade and peter did something together for the first time
by ThanksIllPass
Summary: and wade was ridiculous (and one time he wasn't)


1. Grocery shopping

Peter regretted letting Wade tag along to the supermarket as soon as they entered it. Wade squealed when he spotted an empty shopping cart and tugged Peter in its direction.

"Quick! Before someone snags the Deadpoobile!" he shouted excitedly.

"The what now?" Peters asked, halting abruptly, which ended up in Wade landing on his butt. "Sorry about that."

"Ow, now my bum hurts!" Wade wailed. "How am I supposed to sit in the Deadpoobile now?"

Peter crossed his arms and stared at Wade pointedly.

"Let me guess…" Wade grunted, getting up. "I'm not?"

"You're not."

Peter kissed the pout off of Wade's face, but he guarded the cart like a lioness for the entire time.

2. Cooking

"Wade, no!" Peter yelled as soon as he saw Wade opening the tabasco sauce.

Wade startled and dropped the whole _open_ bottle into the stew. Peter didn't even bother suppressing a wounded screech. Wade turned around and smiled at Peter sheepishly.

"Oops?" he offered.

"You. Don't. Say." Peter gritted through his teeth.

Wade rubbed the back of his head and hummed. "Don't worry, baby boy, I got this."

"You got _what_ exactly?" Peter snapped and turned around.

He saw Wade putting his hand right into the boiling stew to fish out the bottle and promptly fainted.

3. Playing monopoly

Five minutes into the game Wade got up from the floor and pissed on the board. Peter lit a match and dropped it. Wade gasped, shocked when it didn't caught fire.

"It didn't light!"

"Told you."

"Nerd."

"Idiot."

4. Buying lingerie

Wade presented Peter with ten choices and they honestly looked the same to Peter. Wade swore they were all different designs but all were black and silk and Peter just didn't see the difference. He hummed and pretended to consider them carefully, hoping Wade would eventually get impatient and pick himself.

He felt himself blush when a tall elegant blonde walked over and asked if he needed any help. Wade stood between them and assured her Peter got all the help he needed, trying to look as intimidating and murderous as he possibly could. Peter hid his face in his hands. The woman ignored Wade and addressed Peter sweetly.

"Is he helping you pick lingerie for your girlfriend?"

"No, I don't have a girlfriend," Peter muttered, flushing visibly.

"Oh, really?"

She sounded interested in this piece of information and she gave Peter a blatant once-over. She still somehow managed to sound unconvinced, considering the other option was reversing the roles and accepting that _Wade_ had a girlfriend. Rude. Peter scowled and took Wade's hand in his.

"They're actually for him," he said coldly and turned to Wade, picking up a random pair of panties. "I like those, sweetheart, take them. I can't wait to get you in those and then out of them."

Wade purred and dumped the remaining lingerie into the woman's arms. "Have a nice day!"

5. Going on vacation

When Wade announced that he bought two tickets to Canada to go on vacation, Peter definitely didn't expect that his actual honest to god plan was to go to Yukon to fight grizzly bears.

Peter was tempted to force Wade to eat them, but he opted for exchanging them for a flight to San Francisco.

The bright smile that split Wade's face upon seeing Blind Al was worth it. It was even worth a half an hour worth of listening to Wade telling Al about his courageous fight with a grizzly bear.

+1. Watching _Titanic_

When Gwen found out neither of them had ever seen _Titanic_, she called them uncultured swine, dragged them do the DVD rental store, and ordered them to watch it that very night.

By the time the film ended, Peter was a sobbing mess and Wade was doing all he could to console him.

"But Wade!" Peter cried. "What if I can't save you?! Oh God!"

Wade rubbed Peter's back and let him cry his eyes out. "Shh, baby boy, it's okay. Healing factor, remember?"

Peter wailed again and clung to Wade's chest. Wade sighed and rocked Peter gently, stroking his hair.

"It's okay, I can't die, I could never be Jack."

"But that's even worse! You can't be Rose! You wouldn't be a good Rose! And what if _you_ couldn't save _me_? Oh God, everything hurts, I hate everything! Waaadeee!"

Wade allowed Peter to hide his face in his chest and held him until his entire shirt was damp from Peter's tears.

"Shh, sweetums. It's okay now. I will always save you."


End file.
